Grief and Loss Resources
Dear Heritage families,
-
Mourning together in a ritualized manner helps us to feel connected to the community in our grief.
-
It is a formal acknowledgment of the loss, the change in our community.
-
It is an awaited transition point in the cycles of grief.
-
Our presence is also how we say “I love you” to Bri and to the family.
-
For children who have never been to a memorial service, walk them through what to expect: “it’s a little like Sunday church", expect: adults crying, photo montages of the family members, “songs like at church”
-
Talk with them about how they might respond to those who are crying. Remind them that they are not responsible to make someone feel better. If our parent is crying, we can place a hand on their arm or snuggle closer.
-
Younger children might want to choose a comfort item to bring.
-
Talk through what the Bible says about grief and tears. Consider what happens after we cry.
October 2024: I weep together with you and am praying for all of you. The Lord has blessed our community with the wisdom and experience of a Christian grief and trauma counselor who specializes in stepping into schools and other communities in the wake of tragedy. She has offered some very specific advice on how to navigate these deep waters:
-
Do not push ahead to grief, it is a separate stage. Give space for the questions to arise and follow them. When your child, at any surprising time, raises fears and worries and thoughts, allow them the space to unpack their questions without rushing to the perceived safety of answers. "I hear that question, here is my deep question . . ." Be curious about unexpected questions: "Tell me more, help me understand your question."
-
Do not rush too fast to find meaning or to tie this up in a neat Christian bow. Not that we do not speak truth, but remain in the lament part of the truth. Jesus wept before he raised Lazarus. Let us weep while standing on the truth of God's love and presence with us in this particular space.
-
Be an adult who tells the truth: "I don't know how to process this either." "I don't understand this either, but I know the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Ps 34:18. So I know he is with us now."
-
We are injured right now. We need to take time to tend to the injury and make adjustments to our behavior to promote healing. We need to find where in our physical bodies we feel this pain, where in our physical bodies we feel the fear or the anger or the confusion. Take the quiet time to find that for yourself, and help your children to learn to do that, as well.
-
Your child is probably more impacted than you realize, even if he didn't know one of these children well. Younger kids who weren't in a class with one of these children may still have a sibling who was touched by this. They are around others who are hurting and will resonate with them. In this way, all of us are touched by this. This may bring up memories of other traumas, grandpa's death, etc.
-
The Lord knew we don't know how to pray. He gave us the Lord's Prayer. He hears our groans. Give your children prayers to pray when they don't know how to pray. The psalms of lament are particularly helpful for voicing our feelings when we don't know how. Psalms 6 and 46 are examples.
-
Talk about what we do when we are hurting. Are there grief rituals in your family? How do we remember those we are missing?
-
While routine and structure are important and helpful, take the time out to listen.
-
There is no fix for grief.
In His Grip,
Suzie
---
Below are grief and loss counseling resources and books that may be helpful as you walk through this trauma with your kids. Additionally, should you have any requests for assistance or prayer requests for the Board, for the Prayer and Care Coordinator, or for the Mom's in Prayer group, please email Melissa McConnel, our Prayer and Care Coordinator at [email protected].
The resources below are from a Christian Child and Family Psychologist who has compiled this list of available and recommended therapists, websites, and books for our grieving community. The therapists listed below have all indicated they would be open to new clients now for anybody who wants to reach out to them for support. Use the Directory link below to see who takes kids, teens, adults, to find their office location (physical or online), insurance or private pay, etc.
New Ground Counseling, Christian practice with experience in this area of expertise, partner with CBC
Ben Steele at Blooming Leaf Counseling is a Christian with trauma training
One more general therapist resource:
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss — by Pat Schwiebert (Author), Chuck DeKlyen (Author), Taylor Bills (Illustrator) [for kids and has an accompanying workbook, below]
Tear Soup: A Workbook for Grieving Kids — by Chuck DeKlyen (Author) [for kids and accompanies the book above]
Why Do I Feel So Sad?: A Grief Book for Children — by Tracy Lambert LPC (Author), Elena Napoli (Illustrator) [for kids]
God I Need to Talk to You about Feeling Sad — by Susan K Leigh (Author) [for kids]
If Nathan Were Here — by Mary Bahr (Author), Karen A. Jarome (Illustrator) [for kids]
The Memory Box: A Book About Grief — by Joanna Rowland (Author), Thea Baker (Illustrator) [for kids]
Someone I Love Died — by Christine Harder Tangvald (Author) [for kids]
Hurt Help Hope: A Real Conversation about Teen Grief and Life after Loss — by Clarissa Moll (Author), Fiona Moll (Author) [for teens]
A Grief Observed — by C.S. Lewis (Author), a go to book for loss [more commonly for adults]
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering — by Timothy Keller (Author) [for adults]
A Grace Disguised — by Jerry Sitter "how the soul grows through loss"
Prayer in the Night: For Those Who Work or Watch or Weep — by Tish Harrison Warren
The Deepest Place — by Curt Thompson, MD "Suffering and the Formation of Hope"
Websites:
Focus on the Family - Resources: Helping Children Through Grief
Podcasts:
Spotify: Episode 101: How to Talk to Your Kids After a School Shooting - a Message of Hope
Articles:
How Children Grieve & How We Can Support Them: A Guide for Adults